Let’s Goyang!

This probably should have been in the ‘Intro’ section, but I think its important to state that although I have a Wine Diploma, it doesn’t mean much other than that I’ve done a course on Wine appreciation. I’m not an expert and this article is not meant to offend any real Wine experts who by any chance stumble on this (which is not likely considering how few people actually come to this blog). I write this article as a comedic out-take on real wine-tasting principles. I hope people who read this will be entertained by it and hopefully at the same time, get some knowledge in return.

Wow, writing that kinda took some steam out of me….

But anyway, the first part about wine-tasting is the appearance. And appearances start from the bottle. No I’m not talking about that new ‘limited edition’ crystal bottle that the wine company is using for their $2 dollar white wine just so they can charge $200 for it. I’m talking about the labels. If you can, always look at the bottle before pouring or drinking the wine. Firstly, it ensures that the waiter is serving you the right wine that you ordered - check the name, type, and vintage (meaning the year it was made). Secondly, it gives you a chance to read the back label, which usually describes what the wine is like (Aha!). This will allow you to already be able to rattle-off what the wine is like after smelling and tasting it. Thus looking ultra-cool even thought u may not be able to taste what its like due to your taste-buds being destroyed by too much smoking.

The next part would be about the appearace of the wine itself. At most wine-tasting events, a glass of wine would be put against a white or neutral-colored background; and it’d also be conducted under white light. This is so that the taster can assess the different shades and layers of the color. Yes that’s right, ‘red’ and ‘white’ isn’t really enough to cut it in this circle. However in the situation of a dimly-lit restaurant or a neon-colored bar, its pretty hard to access the color shades of the wine accurately. Therefore its not really something that you need to do.

This is a Mills Reef 2004 Pinot Noir

But in a situation when you just can’t help yourself and wanna look totally classy, here’s what you do:

• Holding the wine glass by the stem, tilt it at an angle and look at the color. But don’t stare at it too much; people might think you’re weird.
• You don’t have to rattle off many different types of colors. Just one will do. Typical shades of red wine would be rose, ruby, chocolate, purplish (as in, its so red that it almost looks purple - try it with other colors too!) and a whole host of others.
• Typical shades for white are straw, lemon, greenish and others. But you can generally get by just by saying straw! =)

Notice that under white light, and a white background, the true colors of the wine stand out. I would describe this wine as ruby colored, with a slight orange hue.

Looking at the color of the wine also helps to indicate if its spoilt. Easier for whites, but harder for reds. Generally if a white wine’s color seems too dark a color (like a deep yellow or orange), it may be because it has gone off. But that also depends on the type of wine.

If all that still seems too complicated or boring to grasp, don’t worry. It will take practice. Just keep in mind some easy conversation examples below:

The Right Thing to say:

• After looking at the wine for about three seconds with the glass tilted, “Mmm, that’s a lovely ruby color!”

The Over-the-Top Thing to say:

• “Sparkling bright blood-colored lips of a virgin! Interwined with midnight - stars, bursting with life, over a misty, dried wheat field!”

The Idiot Thing to say:

• After staring at the wine for 15 minutes, “Its just like the red that came out with my turd this morning. Man those hemorroids are a bitch! Ha! Ha!” (The situation would be made worst if the wine was a white.)

And that concludes part one. Look out for part two in about a week or so, where the focus will be on smelling the wine!

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 30th, 2006 at 9:22 am and is filed under Goyang Guides. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.